LIFE, Uncategorized

S-s-tutter


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I was talking to Mike yesterday about his series of live videos and how I find them AMAZING. He mentioned that he felt he was going too fast and as though he was rushing through the videos. I, on the other hand, felt that the pacing was just right; fluent and coherent.

This man has A LOT of charisma. Whenever he tells his stories, it is somewhat mesmerizing, and I am not saying this out of bias. I believe it has got to do with his intonation, expression and the amount of passion he has in his subject matter.Now. Speaking spontaneously, especially in public or in front of a camera, is something that I struggle with. It has, somewhat, got to do with my childhood.

As a child, I used to stutter a lot. My foster sisters would always tease me for it, which resulted into an angry little gremlin that had his words all mixed up. I would often end up crying because I could never express how I feel through speaking. Of course, I was subjected to even more laughters and teasings. It was harmless, and it hurt, but it did push me to try and speak properly.

The situation improved when I started school and interacted with more people. I did not initiate conversations much, unless it was with a close group of friends or only if spoken to.

At 15, my secondary school English teacher, Madam Noreha, discovered I had a flair for writing and encouraged me to write more. She suggested that I keep a journal or start a blog. It was a turning point for me, because I finally found an outlet to articulate my deepest thoughts and innermost feelings.

Then almost a year ago, I discovered my love for poetry. After my last relationship with Nizam dissolved, Nana bought me a compilation of poems by Lang Leav and wrote a note: I hope you find comfort in words, just as I had. True enough, I did. It inspired me to write some of my own and also realised that I churn out more pieces when I am either sad, or madly in love. You can check some of my poems here.

For those out there reading this, I hope you have gotten to know me better and understand the reason why I often am silent or keep to myself in intense situations. Simply put, NEVER ambush me with any sort of confrontation or pressurize me with condescending questions. I WILL break. 😂

 

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